I'm a lame blogger/Dexter and Pineapple Express.

You are probably one of only a few people that will read this, which means you are probably one of my co-workers checking out the blogs since you have a bit of down time, and you've probably at one time or another noticed that I barely ever update my blog, which means that I am basically lame at blogging, which is just a nice way to say, I suck at movie reviews. First of all, I hardly watch movies as much as I used to because I'm busy with other stuff and because my wife feels it is important for me to spend my money on more important things like baby stuff, yes we are due in late March with our first child. Also, I have a Chihuahua that constantly needs my attention. Oh I fear the worst for my dog when the baby comes, for my attention will be divided and he will unfortunately be neglected and emotionally . . . dissed. But that is all beside the point, the point being that I really am a bad movie reviewer. And why bother bringing this up and drawing more attention to this defect of mine? I don't know. I'm feeling guilty perhaps? I mean here I am, blessed with this opportunity to blog on a very popular website, and I rarely use it.


So, anyway, in these times of economic hardship. . . Oh, there is breaking news. I have to go. I'll continue this later.

Well, I'm back. I was sent to go cover a shooting in North Las Vegas, but half way there I was called back because NLVPD told us it was just a BB gun shooting. It happens.

So where was I? So in these times of economic hardship and blah blah blah, I have been limited to my Blockbuster online account where I receive movies one at a time in the mail. It's about 13 bucks a month, I get two free in store rentals per month as well. So instead of being out there watching new theater releases like Benjamin Buttons and The Wrestler, which would be appropriate for a movie reviewer to have seen, what with the Oscars just around the corner and all, I have limited myself to watching DVDs at home. I watched Pineapple Express last night, yeah, basically it's a movie about a marijuana appreciator who witnesses a murder. He and his dealer go on the run to escape being killed by the killers and their henchmen. It was a funny movie, James Franco is pretty classic in it, as well as the guy who plays their friend who rats them out. Now, a normal movie reviewer would bother to find out that guys name and add it to this review, but like I said, I'm lame. There's my disclaimer. Oh, he's the same guy with the mullet in Tropic Thunder. See how I slide? (Slide. It's a new term I'm trying to make popular instead of the overused "That's how I roll." That's how I slide. )

Dexter, have you seen it? It's awesome. Finally a show where I can really identify with the lead character. I swear, Dexter is like a page out of my own book of life. Dexter, the show, is about a cop who is also a serial killer. Hah hah, I was just kidding. I don't really feel like I identify with him. But the show is awesome! Like I said, he's a serial killer, but he lives by a code: He only kills people who kill innocent people, people who deserve it, in his mind anyway. And the Character who plays Dexter, something Hall, I can't remember his first name, he was in Six Feet Under, anyway, the guy is an awesome actor and you just grow to like him immensely.

Okay, so Pineapple Express gets a 'Tripods Up,' and Dexter get a 'Tripods Way Up.' There, I actually recommended some shows for you if you haven't seen them already, so don't say I'm completely useless. Lame? Maybe. Adios.

The New James Bond Not As Good As The Old New James Bond.

I like Daniel Craig as Bond, a lot. He really brings it. I liked the first Bond film with him in it, Casino Royale, but I did not like Quantum Of Solace so much. It wasn't a bad film, it was just an okay film. I never got completely bored nor did I ever feel the inclination to walk out of the theater, but I was never thrilled or intrigued as I was with the previous Bond film. This worries me because it seems as though the Daniel Craig Bond series may fall victim to the trend of what happened with the Pierce Brosnan and Timothy Dalton Bond films, that being they had awesome first movies, but the ones that followed were just ho hum, in my opinion.



Some of the problems I had with Quantum Of Solace were that I felt it lacked cleverness, both in plot and in anything Bond does, such as fighting, talking, etc. Remember in the beginning of Casino Royale at the top of the crane, Bond's enemy throws a gun at him from about five feet away? For a split second you might think that the gun was going to hit him in the head and cause him to almost fall, but no. Instead, Bond catches the gun with superhuman reflex and throws the gun back at his enemy, almost knocking him off! Or remember when Bond was poisoned whilst playing Texas Holdem, and he's in his car almost dying with a defibrillator improperly attached to his chest. Then Vespar finds him, attaches the clamp properly just as he's lost consciousness, she pushes the button, and wallah, Bond instantly awakens only to ask Vespar, "Are you okay?" Well that was what Quantum Of Solace lacked, that kind of quick witted humor and action.

And I also think it's time they introduce some of the clever gadgets like the old Bonds had. This new rugged and real Bond may be too cool for cheesy gadgetry, but they could tone down the cheese and still incorporate them nonetheless. All in all, an okay film. Tripods sideways.

The Dark Knight (movie review)

The Dark Knight! It was a good movie, I really enjoyed it. Yeah, Heath Ledger, good stuff. Yeah.

Finishing Harry Potter.

Severe Spoilers!!!!! Do not read if you don't want to know how the final Harry Potter book ends!

I finally finished the last Harry Potter book, 'The Deathly Hollows.' I was reading it off and on for a year now, and about two weeks ago I finally decided to commit and finish it by reading a chapter or two each night. What a ride. I was totally satisfied with the whole book, especially the ending. I knew, as many of you did, that we'd discover Snape was good all along. I'm surprised that I managed to avoid that being spoiled for me this whole time, since I obviously lagged on reading this one. I also loved the very very ending when Harry and Ginny are seeing their kids off to Hogwarts, and we find out the names of their children. The best part though was a bit more personal. For those who don't know this, about two weeks ago I slid into second base whilst wearing shorts at my company softball tournament. I have a pretty bad road rash scar on my left leg. As I sat there in my study finishing the very last sentences of the seventh and final Harry Potter book, the part where it mentions his scar hasn't burned for 19 years, I got a chill through my entire body, and the scar on my leg started to burn. Folks, I think I am a wizard.

So yeah, I liked Indiana Jones 4.

I had my doubts, but when I finally sat down and watched Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, I was thoroughly entertained. My only two complaints, and they are small, is that one of the actors, John Hurt, was a tad too silly for my taste, and that at times the actual crystal skull they carried around with them looked like a ball of Saran Wrap. Small Potatoes.

Now, beware of spoilers!!! Don't read from this point on if you have not yet seen this movie and don't want any of the surprises spoiled!

I've been hearing a lot of people complaining that the film has too much CGI (computer-generated imagery), or that the action was too over the top and that it was "too hard to suspend my disbelief." Suspend your disbelief??? It's an Indiana Jones Movie for Pete's sake! The first one had demon ghosts flying out of the Ark, melting off people's faces. The second had a guy who ripped still beating hearts out of people's chests, and rocks that would glow when they got near each other. And the third had the ghost of Sir Lancelot or whoever the hell that was at the very end. They are cliff hanger movies. They spawned from the old weekly Saturday matinee movie cliffhangers from the 1930s and 1940s; Flash Gordon, Jungle Jim, Dick Tracy Detective, just to name a few. As far as too much CGI? What can one say? Remember when you used to be able to tell it was a puppet, or a guy in a rubber suit, or you could see the strings? Well, sometimes you notice the CGI. To some it's a deal breaker, but to me, I can accept it if the locomotion is realistic and the effects actually contribute to telling the story. Sometimes the old ways, puppets and strings, might be better if done right, but for Indy 4 it just wasn't a big issue for me. The giant ants I thought were great. I was expecting the usual image of the bugs chewing someone to the bone, leaving behind only a skeleton, but instead the ants carried the guy into a giant ant hill . . . that was more effective in that it left the untold terror of what could be happening up to the imagination. Shia Lebeouf swinging like a monkey in a tree? Okay, a bit silly, but remember Tarzan, another cliffhanger character of which some of the Indiana Jones movies are based on? Some thought it was ridiculous, that it was too much of George Lucas's tomfoolery! Hogwash, I say! Remember the airplane scene from Temple Of Doom where Indy, Short Round and uh . . . Kate Capshaw used a river raft as a parachute? Or the crazy roller coaster mine ride? Cliffhangers, people.

And now what may or may not have been the biggest surprise. You may have heard it somewhere, you may have figured it out for yourself, or you may have not known until you saw it . . . or maybe you are about to find out right now and you shouldn't be reading this . . . Shia Labeouf's character, Mutt, is Indiana Jones son! Indy finds this out when he is reunited with Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), who is the mother. What I liked about the whole father/son story here is that they didn't dwell on the whole "Hey son, had I known I would have been there for you all these years . . . " sentimental bull crap. Instead Indy instantly calls him son and yells at him for quitting school. Classic. The chemistry between Karen Allen and Harrison Ford was great as well as it was in the Raiders Of The Lost Ark. It was nice to see them together again, and she certainly didn't pause when it was time to kiss the bride at the end. And as far as the complaints about Harrison Ford needing to hang up the hat, that he's too old for that part, oh com on! You are taking this movie way too seriously. He was great as an aged Indiana, and they actually played off his being older in some of the wisecracking one liners. A tip of the hat to Spielberg and Lucas. They made a mighty fine Summer blockbuster. Tripods Up!

A Ho Hum Movie Summer

So far I've seen Iron Man, Speed Racer, and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I enjoyed Iron Man the most, which surprised me since I thought it would suck. Robert Downy Jr. was great as Tony Stark/Iron Man, and the story unfolded without the long winded dramatic bull crap that made me hate the Spider-Man films. Okay, Spider-Man 2 was decent, but the others . . . . pure crap. Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker? Organic web shooters??? Oh don't even get me started. Jon Favreau did it right with Iron Man, he directed a great comic book movie. And Gweneth Paltrow was not at all annoying.



With all the bad reviews and negative hype, I actually even enjoyed Speed Racer. My Chief Photographer recommended I rent the old cartoons and watch them first, which I did, and I think it definitely added to making the movie experience a positive thing; for the movie adheres to some of the cult classic cartoon's silliness and over the top action. Watching the original cartoons made me wonder if the Wachowski brothers, the directors of the Speed Racer movie, got most of their ideas for camera angles and camera movements for their earlier films (The Matrix Trilogy) from the Speed Racer cartoons. If you don't know the cartoons, you will probably sit uninterested and annoyed in the theater as you watch this. Seeing the cartoons is a plus!



I saw the latest Narnia installment as well. It was just okay, but the ending battle sequence was great. I gotta say though, the oldest two of the four kids, they bug the hell out of me. I can't put my finger on it, but the older brother is such a pretty boy little prat I just want to push him into a puddle of mud. And the older sister constantly has this tough girl scowl that makes her look, and forgive my shallowness, it makes here look ugly as all hell. Ugh, and to think Prince Caspian actually enjoyed kissing her. The special effects were better than the first, and the creature make-up and effects were great too. I think I liked the first Narnia movie better.



So far, it's been a pretty ho hum movie Summer, aside of Iron Man. And my hopes for Indiana Jones 4 to be an epic masterpiece of adventure movie making have come to a depressing shortfall now that the first critics reviews are out. None of them are good. Hey, the critics have been wrong once before (Ebert hated Back To The Future).

Chihuahuas; Are They Really Dogs?

I believe it was Adam Corolla who on his morning radio show said that Chihuahuas are really rats, and Mexico is just playing a big joke on us. Others have commented that Chihuahuas are too small to be considered real dogs, and one may as well just get a cat. I agreed with these points of view until one week ago when my wife and I adopted a 2 year old Chihuahua from Lieds Animal Shelter here in Las Vegas. I was opposed to getting a Chihuahua because I wanted a dog that could catch a Frisbee or fetch a tennis ball. I wanted a dog that I would not accidentally step on and kill while I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I wanted a dog that when I took it for walks people wouldn't laugh at me, for I am kind of a big guy, so walking a Chihuahua might make me seem like some sort of a wuss. Well to heck will all those notions! Chihuahuas rock! My wife named our new beloved pet, Texas Ranger. We call him Ranger for short. My wife did not pick that name because she is a fan of that Chuck Norris television show, she chose it because she was born and raised in Texas near Dallas. I wanted to name the Chihuahua, Vic Mackey, after Michael Chiklis's character on the hit show 'The Shield.' But my wife wouldn't let that fly.

So what is this all about? Why am I writing about dogs in a movie blog? Let me tell you this . . . I did not title this blog 'Hollywood And Beyond" for nothing. The part in the title that reads, "Beyond," is what allows me to veer away from movies and into other realms of discussion. The possibilities are infinite! It's like being able to purchase a barbecue skewer at Bed Bath And Beyond. Anyway, I was taking Ranger on a walk this morning before work and this construction guy was looking at me with a condescending smile on his face. I was waiting for him to say some smart ass comment about me walking with such a little dog, but he didn't. I expect it was because I walked with pride, as Ranger is actually pretty bad ass, and I'm proud to be seen in his presence. I've encountered other dog walkers already and Ranger is not afraid to go right up to big dogs and sniff there (I'll keep this PG) faces. One bigger dog barked at him, and he just stood his ground and looked at the bigger dog like he was some sort of idiot. I tell you, Ranger has cajones. As far as the fear of stepping on him goes, I'm not worried about that anymore. I think Ranger is more worried about it than I am since he keeps a safe distance from me while I'm cooking dinner, or preparing something in the kitchen. Yet he'll stay close enough in order to gobble up any accidentally dropped pieces of food. And as far as having a dog that can fetch a ball, he's great at it. He can fit a tennis ball in his mouth, but man does it look funny, so we bought him some other toys that are more his style. We got him this little stuffed pink poodle and a stuffed orange cat thing that he attacks with the vengeance of a hungry puma. He is fast too, like a laser! When I take him for walks, sometimes I'll bust into a run and he'll keep up with me no problem. His endurance is amazing too, I tire out before he does.

Not only did Ranger change my perception of Chihuahuas as being real dogs, but he also filled the void of needing a pet. He loves to cuddle, he sits quietly when I'm watching TV, and he plays hard. He does that play bite where it's kind of hard, but not enough to break through the skin. That's when I shove a toy in his mouth. All in all, I am glad we have Ranger, so if you think Chihuahuas are lame, then you may want to think again. And if you want a pet, go check out Lied Animal Shelter on Mojave and Washington near downtown Las Vegas. They have a ton of dogs and cats that will suit your needs. Peace.